(Well yesterday the 22nd since its 1207am right now)
When saying goodbye
& see you Monday
it never dawned on me
that would be the last time I'd ever see him.
I left kinda pissed too because PIC was telling me I would nolonger be
on the case due to his insurance declining his services.
It was a load of crap because VNS are dummies & they didn't follow up on
his case properly to ensure he'd have home care services.
Diane was upset too but she held it together (as always)
(Man I wanna learn how to handle things the way she does)
Later that day I got a text saying he was in the hospital
and that she hoped to see me soon.
I decided that if by Monday he was still in there
I'd go see him, tickle his toes and make him laugh like always...
Well...
That didn't happen
...instead I got a text from Diane
announcing his death & how much of a help I was
and that he really enjoyed me.
I just don't get it...
It just seems unreal how people who are in the worst conditions can
always see an upside to everything and just like that they disappear!
I NEVER had hope nor knew how to live like that
nor knew anyone who did. I never saw a reason to be so happy when things
went wrong because I always felt like things were ALWAYS going wrong for
me
...well until I met him
& he was slowly changing
my outlook on life.
Brian was awesome.
In his condition many people would have said
"screw life I want out" or "why God hate me"
or some dramatic kill me now type catch phrase...
...not him
he smiled with puffy eyes
when he woke every morning.
He laughed at me for fussing at his cat Poe when he'd lay on his clean
clothes I'd lay out for him.
He'd blog about his misfortunes and NEVER sound totally bitter about
it.
He dealt with his condition but lived happy
and I used to think that was weird.
How can someone who's been through so much
be in any form of happiness?
I've seen patients complain about having to use a cane!
Nothing really wrong with them but just complaining because they can't
walk as good as they use to.
This man had all forms of illness
& some days couldn't get out of bed
but still somehow found a way to enjoy life!
It was weird and unheard of!
I swear asked myself the first week I started working for him:
How can someone who's appearance has severely changed
still live happy?
And after it all I found the answer:
Indulge in a lot of laughter,
think of every small task as an accomplishment
and surround yourself with love.
Happiness is just around the corner :)
I wish I had more time to tell him what an impact on my life
he and his wife Diane has made. Ever since I've started working there my
temper and thoughts on life has changed.
I even aspire to fall in love again because the love I saw in every kiss
Diane would give warmed my heart.
I wish to love they way they did.
God I must sound like I'm rambling
I'm sorry I'm just a little messed up because
I never got to tell him how much I enjoyed him.
Maybe he knew because of my "pretty feet" jokes
or the concern I always had when he was feeling down after chemo. I just
didn't like seeing him down because it was weird to sense him being
unhappy.
I just find it unfair people have it way better than him and live in
misery yet still get to walk another day on Earth
In all I'm happy that I got to spend any amount of time
in his presence and he will never be forgotten.
He will be missed dearly.
--archaic.bliss
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