Within Her Grasp

I sit with bated breath...

See she doesn't understand that when I have to chase someone down for something that I think shouldn't be such a hassle... I tend to just forget it and let things build like beats until the explode.

Yes very wrong to do...but that's what I do after repeating myself more than once. ( I hate repeating myself more than twice)
There are things she's never going to understand about me and there are things I'm never going to understand about her due to the fact I haven't lived a life like hers since I was 10.

I wish to be with someone who's free to be who they are and do as they please. Yet still because I feel that she may possess fine qualities and morals that are lost in todays society I fight and struggle to overcome "her shortcomings" according to my so called standards.

I'm still trying to deal.

My current want:

To be in a successful relationship where I'm comfortable to be me and my partner feels the same. I'm sick of becoming bored with people...sick of always picking at flaws trying to find ways out of things. I just wanna do this already and chill. But I'm not going to settle for half when I'm sure I can have it all. Yes I question her motives due to actions that tend to speak some words her font refuse to utter. Yes I have a worry that I can end up some failed experiment. There are many things I fear but I'm trying to see pass all that.


This past week hasn't been great...


But I'll look forward to a better day.

A New Dawning

There are many things that have changed about me after my quest for happiness.

Still finding myself I never found hapiness because what I was searching for was perfection.

To live a life where my mind.body.soul connected and stayed in perfect harmony. We all dream to live lifes like that but in reality dreams don't always come true.

Still I remain unbittered...

I'm unsure what bekon of hope I have still lighting the pathways of lover lane b ut I continue to walk towards whomever is at the end of tunnel.

Jaded?

No

Actually I'm a lot better now that old demons and caspers haunt me much less at night.

However I have yet again regressed within my shell of "life of a loner" I prefer things this way for now. I have now accepted my choice in life to pursue women.

That's another blog though.

My home life consist of work, playing with my kittens, making plans for my future, drinking with my rommies, and really not stressing the bullshit.

My poetry has taken a seat back due to random wild events of drama. Ever since my passion to write has decreased daily. Slowly it dwindles towards the end of the wick but I'm sure I'll find a way to keep the fire burning.

Anyways that's the end of this one.